Continue life

Another day at school. In the morning I walk in the hallway to my classes. The sun is shining down hard, enough to completely blind me. I can't see. But I can feel. I walk through so lonely. I know people are all around. yet it still feels lonely. Walking across the old blue lockers that no one uses anymore. Passing a class, and another until I reach mine. The same routine, do now's and work. over and over. The same people. Never changing. But somehow providing a shelter of security. Everyone takes the person they dislike for granted, but somehow life wouldn't be the same without them. The circle could never be complete with a part-no matter how unimportant- missing. How come I see so many things?... Pay attention to the smallest details of a person?. Read their expressions and sadness better than anyone? I get those e-mails and those forwarded texts that are always saying that atleast two people in this world are thinking of you right now. Atleast one person that would die to be with you. And that everyone loves you and if someone hates you it's because they want to be just like you. But it's not true. It isn't.

School ends and I am waiting outside for my dad to pick me up. Usually I walk but I was in no mood, so I wait. It's raining. And there are little puddles on the ground and the cars keep zooming past. Time ticks, keeps on going. And while I wait I go thorugh my contacts list in my cellphone. Name after name. And with every name an image pops into my head of that person, or a phrase they've said. Until I get to the name "Lisa". Instead of an image popping inot my head I slowly rewind through the conversation we've had a long time ago. I don't know why I remember it . Or how. But it's just sorta stuck there. I imagine her voice in my head and try to connect it to her posts. While I was sitting waiting for my dad to come, I wanted to text her or call or something. But i don't, and instead keep going over the rest of the names in my contacts. But my mind is elsewhere. I am thinking of all of you. I am trying to imagine QuickItGirl sitting in class or maybe at back home. I try to put all of her posts and words to a certain face. But I can't. I think of her as a far away sister. I imagine ModestJustice also in school, a wide range of thoughts running through her mind. I imagine a hardworking, beautiful girl. I think of ahsya at school. Donned in a beautiful hijab. A witty, fun, sarcastic kind of girl. Joking around with her friends. I think of muneera in college or maybe still at home sick. Enduring long, hard and boring classes. Yet acting cool and simply amazing. I think of scarlet adyant, a muslimah in Indonesia. And all my muslimah sisters in blogsphere. I wish I could somehow meet all of you and see life through your eyes. I wish I could be a real friend and just be there. i wish I could meet the 3 teen bloggers (QickItGirl, ModestJustice and ahsya) and know just how their life goes. And so I wouldn't be the lonely muslimah around here. My dad pulls up later, and I continue my life. Continue living, continue blogging and continue meeting muslimahs from around the world.

7 thoughts:

Umm Omar said...

Another thoughtful and eloquent post. I just love your blog, Malekat. There is an age gap between yourself and so many of your readers, but you manage to connect to people's hearts and minds so well. I know you do to mine. Jazaka Allah Khair and may Allah unite you with your fellow teen bloggers in this life and in jannah!

American Muslima Writer said...

SubhanAllah those lonely days... sometimes they were dreary and other time like you they made me think so much about life.
These are what Alone times Are for. To think. ABout Life, and Allah.

And of course our friends. So many friends yet so far away. Sometimes I do the same, running through my contacts but unable to call even one. :(

We all think about each other here on blogland. Lol I've even dreamed about bloggers who I've never seen their face. They get new images in my head and sometimes not even of poeple jsut objects or feelings.
But we all are here for you and for each other. You have millions and milions of sisters in Islam and we all gotta be there for each other. Sometimes we get caught up in day to day life and don't get to check in as often as we'd like (guilty) but we still think of each other and when we have the time to go and say a quick hi.

And of course Allah is alwys there for you :D

Quick It Girl. said...

Awwwww, Malekat! I'm speechless - I don't know what to say. This post was so touching and I can relate to it so well. I also feel very lonely at school and when I come home I immediately turn on the computer and see what my blog friends have been doing. And you may not know it, but I often wish that you were here with me in the same grade, same school, both wearing the hijab, spreading Islam and being together.

<3 I love you so much Malekat. :) I wish I could be there for you. :)

JaLpArI said...

mashaAllah it's a beautiful post sister!
loneliness is somethin everyone faces at some point of time or the other... be brave and pray to the Almighty to overcome it...:)
May Allah give you the opportunity to be closer to the friends you so long to be close to.

Anonymous said...

awwwwwww i just cant belive how amazing you are malekat you truly touch me and inspire me! i hope this feeling dosent last long i know from experience that iit wont because life goes on...malekat you are a truley gifted and talented sister i have never met you yet it feels like weve been friend forever!

this post got tears in my eyes and im tottaly gobsmacked thanx for all the love xxxxx

Bengali Muslimah said...

Wow you have a lot going on in your mind in those few seconds. But it was nice and interesting to read them because sometimes, I think soo much in a small period time but i forget them before I can even write them down on my head. The post has a lot of feelings =]

Anonymous said...

as salam aleykoum sister

masha allah it was so nice to read
u !!