Just because i wear a hijab, doesn't mean I can't speak english.

So this is the breakdown of what happened today at school. We had a sub for our health/gym class. He was the most racist person I have ever known. First, when he was telling us to quiet down me and a couple friends were zoning out and daydreaming, but apparently he was talking to us and and telling us to pay attention. He was like "Do you guys understand me? Please listen!" and I was, like I said daydreaming like all the rest of my friends. But of course being the racist person he is, singles me out, in front of the whole class and asks me if I understood what he was saying. And he didn't mean the regular check over sorta "Do you understand" but the whole "Do you understand English?" wtf! I mean how unfair is that? Of course he doesn't single out any of my other friends, just me. WHY? Simple, I was wearing a hijab, and i didn't look like an american. So of course that gives him the green sign to ask if I understood english. Yea...that's happened to me twice. Twice. Just because I wear a scarf covering a bunch of dead cells on the top of my head that gives them so much reason to ask if I spoke english. But the funny thing is, I don't have any accent whatsoever, I (not bragging at all) write essays and poems amazingly and I speak BETTER english than that teacher that singled me out. And if that's not enough, I get better grades in English class than anyone I know. But of course that's not enough. I bet you 100 dollars, that if I had perfectly white, white skin and blond hair and blue eyes, he would not have even bothered to ask me. Or what was better, if I had been black and had perfect curly hair that I flung, he would have laughed with me and joked along. But of course, me with the dark brown eyes, some what tanned skin, and scarf on my head predominentley made me stop knowing how to speak english. That is racism, that is messed up racism.
And then, after this, he gave us a test/survey thing to answer. When we were done, he told us to get out ipods, phones, whatever, as long as we were quiet. So my friends and I got out our phones and texted eachother quietly. Key word: QUIETLY. And there were two students sitting in front of us (both black) chatting away and discussing their phones. Yet this teacher, looked at me and my friends(who all happened to be white) and yelled at us for getting out our cellphones. WHAT?! Then, he took them away and told us to pick them up at the office after school ends with an adult. Yet he clearly had seen the two students in front of us talking and using their phones, but he of course said NOTHING because they were the same race as he. Therefore that gives him all the reason to not confiscate their cellphones. How nice. So...after that, in my last period class, I was working along with a friend of mine and we were filling out a sheet on why we chose to do a project about Mother Teresa. Anyways, my friend was like "I read a book on her and thought it was interesting." And so I was teasing her around and I said, " So you do know how to read!" because this particular friend HATED HATED reading. And she knew I was teasing, and usually she would laugh along and think up of a good come back to keep me quiet. But for some reason, she was sort of sad today and didn't answer. But the student teacher who was there, came over just as I said that and started yelling at me about being mean to this girl. I was just kidding and my friend knew it. So after that, I just couldn't take it anymore, and broke down crying. I ran to the bathroom and started to cry really bad. But in the bathroom, I found the friend I was joking around with. She kept asking me what was wrong and everything just spilled out. I was sick of everything. I told her, I was just kidding when I said that she couldn't read, and she said she knew that but she was just sad and really didn't feel like joking around. And I couldn't control my crying.I just kept crying and then finally, I pulled myself together and went back to the classroom.It's just not fair how everyhting was anymore. Did I really need to go to the extent of making a shirt that said "Just because I wear a hijab, it doesn't mean I don't understand english"? Because if I had to do that I would.

2 thoughts:

FutureGirl said...

This is not an issue of race at all sister. What is happening here is:

1. you have a feeling inside you (to do with race)
2. You project that feeling onto others and assume that this is how they see you
3. You experience your own projection as reality.

Be at peace dear lil' sis. Pay no heed to differences, and do not get upset. The more at peace you are in yourself, the clearer and easier your environment will be to navigate. Imagine yourself as the sunshine, and insults or threats as little bits of paper floating into the fire of the sun. Shine it out, shine it away and be done with it.

You will feel much better with this attitude, and you will be protected from emotional harm

Peace, love and blessing,


Candice said...

I wouldn't say it has nothing to do with race because there ARE racist people and people who get discriminated against for it, but I would also agree somewhat with FutureGirl. One of my friends had similar issues, not with race but with other insecurities and until she changed her attitude about herself, she got picked on all the time. I could not understand it... But people gravitated negativity towards her. Be confident, be radiant, ignore the negativity as much as you can. Hope you feel better!