Advice?

I feel so frustrated, and i get really mad when people just use Islam as nothing but a name. They call themselves Muslims, even though they don't pray, they don't fast, they don't read Quran, they don't even KNOW what Islam really is. My friend, who's name I'm not gonna mention is exactly like that. And by saying this I am NOT NOT NOT backbiting, or talking about her, but i just need advise from you guys... Anyways this girl is "Muslim" at least that's what she calls herself, but truly her only connection to Islam is that she doesn't eat pork....She says she's Muslim, and at one point i was tempted to ask her how she was 'Muslim'. So this girl and I were having a conversation that happened to be about Valentines day...it was something like this:

Me talking is blue and her talking is red okay?

"Hey I was about to buy this little stuffed animal that was holding a heart that said 'be mine' on it."

"Aww that's really cute"

"Yea but I asked my dad if i could get it and he said ABSOLUTELY NOT."

"Oh..that's okay!"

"Ya my dad is mean...he said that since we were muslims we shouldn't worry about love, but i was like COME ON dad!"

"Ummm..."

"I mean it's not like I was gonna give it to a boy or something."

"uhh..."

Ok anyways there's more to this conversation but I'm gonna stop right here and comment about a few things....ok first of all when she say that we're MUSLIMS we shouldn't be worrying about LOVE, I just wanted to point out that this girl DATES BOYS so she's not the one to be talking...and again I'm not judging but it just really bothers me how some people use Islam as only a label and fourget that they have responsibilities to put up with as well... and when she says that 'her dad is mean' she's just pointing out the fact that he wont let her go to parties or whatever else and doesn't let her wear tight jeans even though the ones she wears are tight enough.... but anyways God I was so tempted to ask her just exactly how she prove herself to be muslim but of course I didn't. Wow...was i pissed off at the conversation because I hate how she said muslims but when it was Ramadan she made fun and said she couldn't fast because of 'helath issues' even though I KNOW KNOW KNOW that she is perfectly fine but she decided that she hadn't felt like fasting so she didn't, and then if that's not bad enough she used to take out her freezing cold water and drink it infront of my face even though she KNEW I was fasting, and sometimes she'd lift up my hijab and take a "peek" at my hair infront of everyone, and she'd go all like I'm sorry on me when I'd get mad at her for doing that. I mean if it was someone non-muslim and didn't really know then I wouldn't care but calling hersefl muslima and doing that to me just made me have all the reason to be mad at her...
Anyways in conclusion I want to ask you what you would do if you were in my place, I mean I really want her to understand what Islam REALLY is, but I don't want to seem like a teacher and offend her, but at the same time I don't want to just leave her hanging like that...so any advice you have I'd be grateful to read...
And thanks in Advance

12 thoughts:

Anonymous said...

As-Salaam Alaikum Sister,

Maybe, when its time for prayers, ask her to pray with you? Or try to have her hang out with some of your more practicing muslim friends--peer pressure is a really great way to influence people in a good way. Or take her to a local halaqa/ friday prayer.

Its great that you want to influence her positively. May Allah guide her and us all.

Salaam,

-Asiya

malekat_el7oriya said...

As-Salaam Alaikum,
Thanks for the advice, I'll try it, I'm glad for any kind of help :)

malizea said...

I am agree with asiya that's how I start to pratice islam, a friend of mine just invited me to halaqa and just teach me what was the real islam by her good behaviour mashallah!

may Allah HELPS U and HER amine

Nawal said...

Thanks for joining my blog! Regarding this issue:

Well, in retrospect or if it comes up again, there is nothing wrong with romantic LOVE in Islam between a man and a woman so long as it is within the parameters of marriage as Allah (SWT) designed.

To father: express that parents just want the best for us and that means also protecting us from harm, and encouraging us not to fall into trouble through bad decisions in terms of our conduct with other people (ie. boys, dress, prayer)

To lifting of hijab: Express your heartfelt desire to follow Allah (SWT) and covering is part of that.

I think its wonderful she has a caring friend like, but sometimes people have to go through life rejecting sound advice before they understand whats best.

Salam

Nabilah said...

Dear my sister in Islam,


Its quite 'disheartening' to read your post regarding your muslim friend who claims herself as a muslim but does not really practise the true muslim way.

Anyway, I am from Singapore (i hope you have heard of this country before) and in this country, I should say it's no big deal to see the Muslims not practising Islam in the right way.

Most of them are Muslim but they don't pray, fast & I'm not even sure if they believe in Allah.

Hence, to me, it's no big deal :(

But alhamdullilah, you & I are not like them.

May Allah s.w.t blessing be upon you always.
:D
Amin.

Salam,
Siti Nur Nabilah

malekat_el7oriya said...

alsalamou alaikom all,
thanks so much for you comments....they're really great! I will try to talk to her more and get her to understand islam, but if she doesn't listen then I guess I'll leave it to Allah to guide her to the path of islam...

Jamilah said...

Asalamu Alaikum

I can't really add much to what has already been said. I like the idea of having her come to halaqah with you. Do you have classes at the masjid that you go to?

Also the best form of dawah is to be a great example. So just keep being the best Muslimah you can be. Always have 'backup' for things you do from Quran and Sunnah and she can't argue with it.

May Allah guide her to the straight path and reward you for your concern.

~PakKaramu~ said...

Salam

Masya Allah nice flowers

Sumiya said...

Assalam Alaikum dear,

I used to have a 'friend' who was 'muslim' and she used pull down my scarf so my whole head was exposed. She used to do it in a playful kind of way though it seemed more like bullying to me. I told her it wasn't nice but she just didn't quit. She didn't fast or pray and I just wasn't going to be able to change her mind. So I stayed away from her.

But in this case you seem to be close so it may not be that easy just deserting her?

You should tell her more about Islam subtly and get her interested. Think of it as an opportunity to make her a true Muslim.

Good luck!

malekat_el7oriya said...

Salam Sumiya,
thanks for your comment, and i can totally relate...ya I'm kind of close to this girl so I don't think I can just leave her hanging...but I'm afraid that she's really not going to listen so I don't know..

Muslimah said...

salam sis.
i can totally relate to how u feel abt having friends who claim to be muslims but dont really practise Islam.

just a suggestion.

maybe when u guys hang out together,u guys can just watch videos on youtube that has sth to do with Islam and being a good muslimah?
there are several short and kinda entertaining videos about shaytan's traps right? i hope u've seen it before.
well anyways,maybe u can get her to watch it with u.
it wont take more than 15 minutes,if im not wrong.

coz for me,when im trying to point out a friend's mistakes without sounding like a nag,i would like,ask the friend to hang out with me for a while and then i would show her the videos or send her islamic emails.

hope this helps :)

tc dear sis

malekat_el7oriya said...

Muslimah,
thanks so much! and very great and practical idea... :)